Hey Reed and Maggy,
My best friend is coming back from an exchange trip at the beginning of the summer. However, my two best friends from this year are leaving next year. I am nervous about whether or not we will still be good friends after a year. Furthermore, I would like to know if you have any advice on how I can make sure I stay friends with the two friends that are leaving. (one is leaving the country (for a semester) and the other is staying back a year)
Hi there!
Well, how exciting that your best friend is coming back! That's awesome. However, it is sad that your two best friends are leaving next year. The best thing to do would be to pursue keeping in touch with them! If you have facebook, that's an excellent way to keep in touch with people. You can even call them or maybe video chat with them! Of course, technology isn't the only way to keep in touch. If you or your friends will be unable to communicate through technological means, then you should write letters to each other! Find out what adresses they will be at and send each other letters, back and forth. It may not be as fast as communicating throught emails or telephone calls, but it totally works. We think that as long as you find ways to keep in touch with these friends, you have nothing to worry about. Another thing is that if you guys are really good friends, then nothing should ever change. Yes, you may be miles and miles apart. However, all those memories you guys have had together will remain in your heart and in theirs. The best of friends are those that you can see a year later, and it will feel like you've been with each other the whole time. Some people aren't really good at keeping in touch, so make sure to tell your friends and agree on something that all of you guys can do to communicate with each other. Our last piece of advice would be to enjoy as much time as you can with the ones leaving and the one returning, because that will make your friendship blossom even more. We really really hope that you and your friends remain close, which we're sure you will, and remember that distance should never set a friendship apart. :)
Love always,
Priory Peers
hey priory peers,
i feel as though school is causing me to distance myself from socialization. im getting overworked lately, and i dont seem to find the free time to spend time with them. and the problem now is, when i do get the time, i feel behind, because i have not talked to them in awhile and have been left in terms of topics of conversation. also, i feel like some of my friends have changed, talking about things i feel uncomfortable about. what should i do?
-slightlyconfuzzled.
Hello -Slightlyconfuzzled,
Let us start off by saying how much we admire your dedication to your studies. Education is a huge factor is high school, because it will help structure a bright and successful future for you. However, we COMPLETELY understand how you can feel excluded or distant from your friends. Schoolwork, unfortunately, has the power to do that. Too much schoolwork can make you miss out on important social events, or even simple things, like a friend's birthday, or just overall hanging out with your friends. What we would suggest is to confront your friends. You might want to start with one friend and tell them what's been going on and how you feel. They should be able to understand and maybe help you catch on on what you've missed. If you find yourself lost in the conversation when all of your friends are gathered together, you might want to stop them and nicely say, "Hey guys! Is it okay if you guys let me know what you're talking about?". Like we said before, they should be able to understand. However, if they don't tell you anything and keep quiet, you might want to ask them individually what's been going on. Your friends need to be able to respect how much work you've been putting in to school and understand that it's been hard for you to keep up with your friends.
Now, if your friends are talking about things you don't feel comfortable, you might want to tell them, too. Tell them how you feel awkward talking about certain subjects. They should be able to respect that and talk about something else. Also, if you've noticed they've changed a bit, there's nothing you can really do about it. However, they should keep treating you the same way. If they treat you differently, and you don't like it, call them out on it. Ask them way they've all of a sudden changed, but don't be afraid to ask or talk to them. They are your friends after all, and you should be able to confide in them and talk to them about whatever you want without having them judge you. As we've already said, the best thing would be to talk to them individually first, as most people work better when they're on their own, and go from there. Friends are so important in high school, but you also need to remember not to take on too many subjects you can't handle. Try to balance school with friends. That's always important. We're not telling you take easy classes. Take whatever classes you want, but make sure you'll know how to balance school with your social life, so you won't be stuck in this situation too often. We are grateful that you have confided in us to tell us your problem, and if you ever need a friend, we are here to listen and respond back! It may not be the best advice ever, but we hope it gives you at least an idea on what to do. :)
Best of luck,
Priory Peers
hey guys,
i've been battling depression. And it's not the stereotypical one where you see the person upset all the time. It's like for me, i can put on that smile on my face and go to school. I can laugh and joke and make people laugh, but at the end of the day, i cry myself to sleep. I've been battling it for about ive years and it's slowly consuming my life. I feel like i'm losing control and i don't know what to do. I'm not afraid that i'm going to potentially do something harmful, but i am afraid of permanently losing the will to live. It takes so much just to get out of bed.
What do i do?
-notjustteenangst-
-Notjustteenangst-,
We completely understand that this is not just teen angst, like you say. Depression is a serious condition, and unfortunately, we aren't professionals, so we can't give you any medical advice. However, we will try very much to give you advice on how to enjoy life a little more, because in the end, we just want you to be happy.
We totally get where you're coming from. We think the type of depression you have is probably the hardest, because you actually have to hide your emotions for most of the day. We admire you already for being such a strong person, because we both know it is not easy to hide our emotions whenever we're feeling blue.
We are so relieved to hear that you are not considering harming yourself. Please continue to do so, as hard as it may be, because you have no idea how many good thing may lie ahead of you.
As for losing the will to live, there are some options to help you be a happier person. If you have a good support system, such as family or friends, try and spend as much time with them as possible, because they are your number one fans and want you to be happy just as much as we do, if not more. If you feel like you can confide in your friends, or in at least one of your friends, talk to them. Tell them how you really feel and they should be able to understand. You have no idea how much better you'll feel once you learn to express your emotions. Plus, you won't have to hide them all the time from your friends. Family and friends are probably the most important thing when dealing with any form of depression. You want to make sure they have your back and accept you for who you are.
Something else you might want to try are different, fun activities. Think about what you like to do. If you like to sing, try to join a choir at school or some sort of club that has singing. If you like sports, then try to play sports with a friend or join some sort of sports team. Hobbies can really help a person relieve themselves of any stress or problems they're dealing with. In addition, it will give you the opportunity to meet others with similar interests. Then you'll be able to have even more friends and an even stronger support system, which will allow you to focus more on something you enjoy doing.
However, something you must always remember is: do not lose hope! We all have those moments when life just seems to suck. Everything seems pointless and we don't know what to do. For some people it may last a couple of days, maybe even weeks. For others it could last up to a year or more! But you must remember that you have no idea what's in store for you. Something might come along the way that you would have never expected and completely change your life for the better.
Summer is just around the corner, so try to find a way to hang out with your friends and get your mind off of anything negative. Tell that little voice in your head to be quiet, because you want to enjoy life, have fun, and be happy.
We hope this helped you with your problem. We aren't professionals, but we just want to let you know that you always have someone here who cares, whether it be a parent, friend, teacher, or peer advisor. We wish you the best in everything that you do and may you feel much better soon, so you can enjoy life and be a happy person. :)
Much love,
Priory Peers
Priory Peers,
My friends like to go to parties. I go with them
and first its fun but then ppl start drinking and stuff and I dont like
it. Alcoholism runs in my family and I dont want to become one. I dont
want to miss out on the fun at parties tho and I want to be invited to
them. What do I do?
-Dontwanttobealcoholic
Dear Dontwanttobealcoholic,
If your friends are your true friends they would not pressure you to drink. You can have plenty of fun at parties without the need to drink. If your recieving pressure from your friends, tell them to lay off because your having enough fun without alcohol, and if they continue to bug you about it, they aren't your true friends. Your personal integrity is very important to respect and if others don't respect it, then they aren't great friends. Good luck!
Sincerely,
Priory Peers
Hi Priory Peers:)
I am worried that a good friend of mine is going through depression. I have noticed she has these terrible cuts on her legs, and I am worried that she is cutting herself. I have no idea what to do. Should I approach her, or should I just leave her alone? I don't want to pressure her into telling me anything, I know this is something very difficult to cope with, but what if she takes it too far? Help please!
Love, A
Dear A,
the first thing we know you should definitely do is not leave her alone! If she is going through depression or a tough situation, this is when she needs you most. Just being there for her is a great help. If you and your friend are really close, then you should try asking her about it in a discreet manner. You don't want to ask her directly, because she might feel attacked and possibly get mad at you.
If she does end up telling you what's going on, all you can really do is be there for her. If she continues to hurt herself, you might want to inform her parents or an adult you know your friend has good trust in. In the end, she should know you're doing all this because you really care about her, so there shouldn't be any reason for her to get mad at you. Most of the time, however, people do get mad but you should know that you have done nothing wrong. On the contrary, you're being an excellent friend.
If she doesn't tell you what's going on, then you should still tell a trustworthy adult. Now, you don't want to assume anything because it might be that she really isn't cutting herself. However, it is always good to have someone you can trust, but also someone who will be able to help you if anything goes wrong. We aren't professional therapists, but we hope this gave you at least an idea of what to do with your friend. We already think what you're doing is great and we wish you the best of luck, as well as your friend, too. :)
With care,
Priory Peers
Dear Priory Peers,
I've been worrying a lot about my weight recently. Summer is coming soon and I want to look good in a bathing suit. I feel like I gained alot of weight and whenever I look in the mirror I feel fat. How can I look/feel good in a swim suit again?
-FeelingFat
Dear FeelingFat,
there is a difference between 'feeling' fat and being fat. There are so many girls who say they are fat, when in reality, they are just the right size. The only way to find out if you are "fat" is to see if you're overweight or not. If you aren't, then you should not have to be worrying so much about your appearance, because you know you're at a healthy weight! If you are at a good weight, but still have some issues with your body, maybe you can look up some simple exercises that will help tone whatever you think needs work.
However, if you're overweight, you might want to consider eating a little healthier or maybe doing some exercise, like walking around downtown or going on a bike ride with a friend. It may seem like minor exercise, but it really does help!
But remember, don't let the mirror fool you!!
If you're worried about your friends or family judging your body in a bathing suit, you shouldn't be. Your friends and family already accept you for who you are. They don't care how skinny you are or how big you are. They love you for who you are, so it's also important to feel comfortable around your friends and make sure that they love you just as much as you do.
The biggest piece of advice we can give you is not to go on eating disorder diets, like skipping a meal, or not eating at all. You may think it will help you lose weight faster and easier, without exercising, but it really doesn't. Yes, you may lose weight, but you're still going to look the same if not worse, so it's not worth it. Plus, it can bring on some major health issues, so please do not try it! You are beautiful just the way you are. That's how you were made, and as long as you have family and friends who love you, there is no reason you should worry about what you look like. Have a fantastic summer and rock that body, regardless of what it looks like! :)
Love,
Priory Peers
p.s. Please don't just tell to be myself because that's what I do and it doesn't seem to be working.
Sincerely-
A Boring Person